Slots

I have this stupid slots machine game downloaded on my phone. I want to not play it. But I can't. I play it and I play it.  I don't understand it. I can't figure out any sort of pattern or strategy. I always am thinking... Why do I play this, I never win. But still I play. And I play, and I have a little win here and a little win there, enough to keep me playing ... And then out of no where.. just when I've decided I don't even care anymore......BAM!!!!! I hit the jackpot!!! And the coin noises happen, and the numbers start racing upwards, and I relax and watch it all... and I  like the feeling: no stress, just enjoyment and awe... Feels so comfortable, easier to breathe:) all the hard work is worth it finally!!! And it's all just for me.
It occurs to me that such is life. Nothing but a slots machine. I want to stay in bed all day and hide away... But no, I get up, and I go. And I do it over and over again. Life shows me disappointment and judgment and hypocrisy and unkindness and tragedy. I can't figure out any sort of pattern or strategy. I always am thinking, why do I play this game of life,  I never win! But still I keep going and I have a little happiness here and a little happiness there....And then out of no where.. just when I've decided I don't even care anymore......BAM!!!!! I hit the jackpot!!!  And the heart starts to sing a song, all about the things it most craves in this world and I know that when I enable those things to come to life that this amazing feeling sweeps over me and it is so easy to breathe, and it's so easy to be alive and awake and alert and curious and adventurous and...... ALIVE,  ALIVE! And it's all just for me!!!!
I guess that's why I keep playing my little slots machine game. It reminds me that I never know what's coming next! But different from slots.... In this game of life,  I DID hit the jackpot. And the reward was not money, but joy. and joy is something that can not be gambled away. its mine to keep and I intend on protecting it (the heart) above all else. So winning the jackpot is not the big thing to get excited about... its what you do with the winnings afterwards that counts!!

http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=XgEfYGzojcA